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March 19, 2008
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Laura’s Blog Entry

Warning: This blog has the potential to freak you the heck out. It uses words like “God” and “prayer.” Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’ve run out of reasons not to blog about this. I readily admit I have purposefully avoided sitting down to process through some stuff. Part of me likes emotional limbo. Familiar locale. Spent a good many years there, thank you very much.

But “the new me” knows that I will get lost there if I don’t say “Check please!” and get the hell out of limbo after a bit.

I’m trying to remember… I wanted to be emotionally available because… oh yeah. BECAUSE OTHERWISE THERE IS NO REASON TO LIVE, STUPID.

So here I go, back into the land of the living. Anyone wanna call “Shotgun!” Anyone? Bueller?

So this feeling-palooza began last week. I was fortunate to be able to attend an incredibly inspiring going-away party for our friend Brian who works with Neil. He is moving on to start a media company. I’ve been to a few going-away parties before. This one was intense. Brian is an amazing person who has challenged Neil and I to grow in many ways. I am so inspired by the humility and honesty with which he lives his life.

This little gathering got very emotional because many, many people shared stories of how Brian has inspired or challenged or supported them. I was in tears the entire time. When Neil told his story, it was almost too much to process. Brian helped to create a place where we can experience who God is and who God made us to be. All of Neil’s most amazing creative opportunities have grown out of this place, and this place is somewhere that Brian had the vision and the drive to make happen.

To say we are grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Normally an experience like that would have been enough for me. I would have needed a good bit of time to work through my feelings afterwards. Because, you see, I am a thinker, not a feeler.

Neil and I took a seminar once on communication skills. At one point we were supposed to use “feeling” words to describe something. I could not do it. I didn’t know any “feeling” words.

I could tell exactly what I thought about something, but I had no vocabulary for how I felt about it. I accept now that I am a slow processor. It takes me time to come to terms with an event and be able to give feedback. I still refer to the list in the back of the workbook from the seminar. It has columns of “feeling” words. Take the word “sad” for example. It can range from meaning “down” at the low end of the feeling scale, all the way up to “devastated.” There is a lot of ground covered between “down” and “devastated” I have learned.

So when I blogged about Freaky Friday last week, that’s where I was. Processing the party for Brian. Thinking about how I want my life to be like his. I want a room full of people to be able to say that I make a difference. Not because I am trying to be ALL THAT. But because I am trying to make an impact.

No one is going to step in and fix the world, people. We are it. We are the plan. Kinda humbling, huh?

Then we had our study group on Friday night. We’ve been looking at our consumption – of things, of people, of ideas, and also what things, people and ideas might be consuming us and our time. I was not expecting a necessarily unusual group that night. But it was.

We had some time to be generous and some time to pray for each other. It was pretty intense for me when someone I just me a few weeks ago looked at me and said “I think I know where you are coming from and what you need.” And boy did she. I can’t say I’ve ever experienced that before.

I know some of you may not be at all interested in this kind of thing, but this is my life and I would feel inauthentic were I to gloss over the big insights when they come. I just ask for you to give me grace and I’ll be back to Depeche Mode soon, I promise!

So since this time of prayer I feel (Notice I said feel! Hooray!) that some broken stuff I’ve carried around for like just about forever might be actually healing. Like I said, we are the solution for each other. That is the miracle.

How often do we pass up the chance to be the miracle for someone else? All the freakin’ time, that’s how often. I know I do.

So what does all this mean? That’s what I was trying to figure out on Saturday morning. I was totally in a fog as I got Mari ready and sent her off to Harry Potter Camp at the zoo. She looked so cute in her little wizard outfit she put together.

I wore that dress to see The Cure Wish Tour in 1992. Now it is a wizard’s robe. Seems fitting.

OK Where was I? Oh yeah. What does all this mean? I guess it means that there is hope. Hope that we can get it together once in a while and support each other. That we can end some of the suffering and pain in this world. Seems overwhelming.

Let’s just take it one person and one situation at a time; what do you say?

Are you in?

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Donell (rustidonell) permalink
    March 19, 2008 11:51 pm

    That was nice. 🙂

  2. March 20, 2008 7:32 am

    Thanks, Rusti!

  3. March 20, 2008 7:37 am

    A wonderful post. There’s a lot of good insight here.

  4. March 21, 2008 8:02 am

    I’m in!

  5. March 21, 2008 10:50 am

    Thanks, Gene. I was nervous about this one.

    Yea, Mr. Bee! I knew I could count on you!

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